"Can I Help You?"....
So last Sunday I was taking a walk through our neighborhood after our weekly Sunday night dinner at my mom’s house. I’d enjoyed some ice cream after stuffing my face with chicken and potatoes so I felt the need to get some exercise before I sat on the couch the rest of the night binge watching [The Ranch] with Kyle.
I took my usual route where I walk to the front of the neighborhood and back home. It is about a mile and a half round trip and it’s just enough to close my exercise rings on my apple watch and leave me feeling refreshed. I like to catch up on podcasts or listen to Leon Bridges. It makes for some super special “me time” and I love that my husband encourages me to take this time to myself. Most of the time I walk after the girls have been put to bed, so don’t worry, it’s not adding too much extra work to his plate!
I started my walk later than usual, probably around 8:00, and so it was starting to get dark. The darkness doesn’t bother me so much because I feel really safe in our neighborhood. I was ten minutes into my walk and coming upon the pool, which is about halfway from my house to the front of the neighborhood. I was on the opposite side of street when I noticed a woman with a stroller in the pool parking lot. It took me a minute to realize that she was holding a tiny, screaming baby. She was trying to comfort the child by rocking, swaying, and using a pacifier. Immediately I felt the need to help her. As a mom of two I can remember moments like that all too vividly and know that while it might not look like a big deal, to a mom of a newborn, it can break you.
She had no idea I was watching her. [Sounds super creepy, I know] After passing her I kept thinking of possible things I could do to help. Several scenarios played out in my head before I settled on offering to push her stroller home while she carried and comforted her child. I was panicking because I am not one to really make conversation with people I don’t know. But, I told myself that if she was still standing there when I passed back by, that I would most definitely stop.
I couldn’t focus on my walk anymore. It was getting darker and I know no mom wants to have their newborn out alone after dark. I didn't make it to the front of the neighborhood. Instead I crossed the street and headed back towards the pool. Yup, she was still there and the baby was still crying.
As I approached her she didn’t notice me until I awkwardly said, “Hey there!”
She seemed surprised as she looked up. She smiled but didn't respond right away, so I continued on…
“Can I help you? I can push the stroller, while you carry him home.” I was able to tell it was a little boy at this point. Of course, she refused the help kindly, saying she didn’t have far to go and she could do it. I told her i have been in similar situations with my own kids and to hang in there. I was walking away and she was starting to push her stroller towards home, baby still in her arms. [If you’ve ever done this you know just how awkward that can be].
I will never forget what she said to me next. She looked tired and helpless as she shrugged and said, “ I was just trying to get out of the house for a bit.” My heart hurt for her. I don’t know her full situation. Maybe she’s not a first time mom, maybe her husband works late into the night leaving her alone with her newborn. Maybe she is struggling to regain her sense of self and freedom after becoming a mom. ALL of those could be true or not even close, but what I do know, is that she was in desperate need of a quiet walk and she did not get that.
I wish I could’ve done more. I wish she would've let me help her. Honestly, I would’ve reacted the same way she did. I wouldn’t want some random woman following me and my baby home. Too many crazies out there! It is hard to know who you can trust and who you can’t. So sad, but very true.
The more I think about this night though I think about this… As a mom we have this urge to handle all things on our own. We are afraid to show weakness and ask for help, or accept help when it’s offered. We would rather sustain a mental breakdown and find ourselves crying uncontrollably. [Am I speaking too much from personal experience?] We are the ones who know our babies and their needs best. It can be hard for us to share the responsibilities because we feel we can do it all.
I hope this mom has a support system and has since then gotten the quiet time she so desperately needed. Meanwhile, I’m going to continue to being that awkward girl who offers help to any mom in need.
XO
Sarah